OOC

Feb. 7th, 2006 07:50 pm
kyle_valenti: (Default)
To everyone I usually RP with, I'm sorry but I'm feeling really shitty at the moment and I don't think I'll be playing for a while. I especially apologize if we've just started up some cool stuff and I'm bailing. If it's possible to put it on hold until I stop feeling like crap, I'd appreciate it a lot. You guys are actually my friends, so I'm hoping it won't be a problem. I'm really sorry, but I just can't do it. I've sat here trying to tag everything in my inbox, but I'm just so depressed right now, I can't even let my pups pretend to be happy. If it's going to screw up anything, though, you have my permission to god mod my babies. It's not like I doing a good job playing any of them anyway. I'll answer the minimum amount of prompts so as not to lose them, though. Or, if it's easier to just move on without me, go for it. It happens all the time. And if anyone gets mad, go for it. I'm used to pissing everyone off, too.

I'm not going to be checking my scrt.agt.man email, either, so I'm not ignoring you if I don't reply, I'm just avoiding looking at all those tags. If you really need to contact me, you can write me at n2458 (at) lapd (dot) lacity (dot) org. I'll see that when I'm at work and have time to check it.

I'm cross posting this to my other pups' LJs, so I apologize if anyone's delicate sensibilities are offended by my post marring their flists four times.

TM Failure

Feb. 7th, 2006 07:15 pm
kyle_valenti: (Default)
I've failed at a lot of the things people usually do, but the thing that hurt me the most was failing at the one thing that really meant a lot to me. It's the one thing I actually wanted to be good at.

I loved Liz Parker. I know that people thought I was just a dumb jock who was more interested in being popular than actually caring about people, but that wasn't true. Liz was a girl I'd mooned over for a while and when she finally agreed to go steady, I honestly thought I'd hit the jackpot. She was everything I wanted to be. Well, the smart, sweet, funny parts. Not so much the woman stuff. Anyway, bottom line? I loved her.

Then...the alien invasion came and the rest, as they say, is history.

My worst failure is losing Liz. I failed at being a boyfriend. If I was a better boyfriend, Liz might have stayed with me. I still don't know what I did wrong, and I don't know why it was so easy for her to toss me aside. Jesus, Max Evans saved my life, too, but I didn't fall in love with him. I guess being a plain, short, average, inconsequential guy just can't compete with being a master of the universe.

You know how much of a failure I really was? I gave up any chance to find out if I could actually do it right when I left Roswell and put myself in a situation that would guarantee I wouldn't be anyone's boyfriend for a while. It really was the stupidest thing I ever did, thinking I belonged with the other five. I should have stayed behind. Who knows? I could have been the owner of my own garage by now. Guess I pretty much failed all around.

Taking off

Jan. 30th, 2006 02:25 pm
kyle_valenti: (Default)
Kyle frowned at the notes in his hand. It felt a little like sneaking off in the middle of the night to leave this way. But that was probably because he was sneaking off in the middle of the night. He had his bag packed, enough cash to get a bus ticket out of town and keep him fed and sheltered until he could find more work.

The first note was for Michael.

Michael,

Well, buddy, it's time for me to hit the road before I wear out my welcome. Don't make that face. I only mean that I can't stay here forever. My intent was to make sure that you and Iz were all right, and now that I know you are, I'm happy.

But now I'm getting restless. I've got no ties here so I might as well take off and get it out of my system while I'm still young enough to do it. I never expected to have a place to stay and the closest thing to a home that I've had in a while. Thank you for giving me that.

Do me a favor and show Iz this note and give the other one to Remus, please. Say bye to Noah and Keelia for me.

Take care of yourself and stay safe.

Kyle

P.S. I'll try to email you when I can. If you need me to come back, let me know and I'll head back.

I'll miss you guys.

K


He hated just leaving like that since he was supposed to be taking care of the house, but Kyle was sure that Michael could find someone else to do that if he needed to. It was also hard to leave because he was going to miss Michael a lot. Getting used to seeing him a few times a week had started to make Kyle feel too dependent on him and that was never a good thing to do with someone who actually had a real family to take care of.

He also felt guilty for taking off after he and Iz had just reunited, but he was going to make sure and call or email her whenever he could. While he hoped she'd understand, he'd accept it if she didn't.

Mostly, he wamted to be sure his friends would understand the urge he had to stretch his legs and take off for parts unknown. Perhaps it was the fact that he'd never gotten over how good it could feel to wander, but Kyle needed to move on. The knowledge that Michael and Iz were safe was really all he'd ever wanted.

The other note was for Remus.

Remus,

I'm sorry to do this by note, but I wanted to let you know that I'm leaving town tonight. I know it sucks to abandon a job like this, but I needed to go and I hope you understand.

Thanks so much for the job and for being an all around awesome person. If I come back to town, I'll be willing to grovel to get my job back.

Take care,
Kyle


Kyle had gotten into the habit of quitting jobs without notice, and as much as it made him feel guilty, he had no doubt that it wouldn't be that big a deal. After all, look at how easily he'd gotten the job in the first place.

Placing the notes on top of the television, Kyle looked around and smiled as he shouldered his backpack. It had been fun. A lot of fun. Maybe he'd be back with stories to tell. Or maybe he'd find somewhere to settle for a few more months and then move on again. Whatever he did, he hoped that they knew if they needed him, he'd come back.

TM - Alone

Jan. 30th, 2006 02:23 pm
kyle_valenti: (side)
If I was a smartass, I could say that I know I'm not alone whenever I see or hear another person in the room with me. But I'm not a smartass. For the most part.

Since all life is connected, I shouldn't ever feel alone. Yes, there are times I enjoy my solitude and I choose to separate myself from others. It's fine to feel alone in those instances. But I imagine that this question is asking something entirely different.

[locked]

I hate to say it, but I've never felt as if I wasn't alone. It's not just because my mom left me. I've always felt that way. I've always felt as if I have to be the only one I can count on. I have friends and family but I'm still alone. I lived in a van with five other people and still felt alone. Finding the ones I cared about the most hasn't done anything to change that. Honestly, there are days when I consider taking off because I know that no one will even know I'm gone. Iz did it. She seemed to have a good time. Why shouldn't I? The spirituality can only go so far before I can't ignore it anymore and wonder why I'm searching in the wrong place for something that comes so easily for everyone else. I shouldn't even be searching, but I do. Truth be told, I thought things would be different. Buddha Boy's had it.

[/locked]

So, to answer it in the way it was intended, I can't really say because I've never known I'm not alone. I keep waiting for that to change but at this point I have to accept the fact that it probably never will.
kyle_valenti: (Default)
Okay, I've finally settled on a new LJ for myself. My luvnick62 one will be used to only post my Fanfic100 prompts.

Anyway, the new username for my mun journal is [livejournal.com profile] twelfth_sign if anyone is interested.
kyle_valenti: (Default)
I'm not sure if everyone's read what LJ posted, but since they're telling me I don't have to change anything, I'm not. I like Kyle's username. :-)

Anyway, for anyone interested in what the news post was:

What if my username starts or ends with a dash or underscore? ("__username")

If your username begins or ends with a dash or underscore, your journal will be located at http://users.livejournal.com/__username or your community will be located at http://community.livejournal.com/__username. You will not have to change your username, but if you'd like to change it we will offer you one rename (per username beginning or ending with a dash or underscore) for free. If you'd like to take advantage of this offer, go to the Rename page while logged into that account.


[cross posted to [livejournal.com profile] theatrical_fen]
kyle_valenti: (Default)
Since I usually try to say what's on my mind (most of the time), there isn't any one person to whom I have anything to say. It is for this reason that I've decided to write a letter to the universe.

To Whom It May Concern:

Why?

I don't ask for much. In fact, I don't ask for anything except a feeling of peace, safety and tranquility. So, why?

I don't complain, I take things as they come, I deal with the hands I've been dealt and I put up with a lot of shit that most people would turn around and walk away from.

So... why?

I'm sure you think I'm complaining right now, but I'm not. I'm only asking a question. Do I honestly have to wait for my next life? I try not to want because that's the cause of suffering, but it's been this way since before I ever thought about buddhism.

Should I give that up? Should I go back to being a dumb jock so the only thing I'm concerned about is... No. Even that won't work. The time for that is long over. I peaked in high school and now I'm left with the knowledge that none of that ever really mattered and might as well have never existed. Sometimes I wonder if there's a point to existing at all, even now.

There are plenty of people who have things so much worse than I do, I know. There are people who want the same thing I do, so I feel a little ashamed for thinking I deserve anything more than what I have. Actually, I probably deserve less than I have, though I'm not entirely sure how much less I could have. I could be completely alone and homeless, I suppose.

Never mind. I won't tell you what I want. If the universe has said no once already, it's best not to push it.

Respectfully yours,
Kyle
kyle_valenti: (Default)
While I'm glad that she has nothing to refret [sic] and that her kid just turned fice [sic], I really don't think that calling me a poodle is all that productive. Nor will it lead to me wanting more to do with her.

I mean, come on. I'm obviously a Jack Russell terrier.
kyle_valenti: (tree)
Much like a river that flows, never remaining still, my mun is traveling out of town for the week between Christmas and New Year's. She assures me that she'll be back the evening of the 2nd, and while I look forward to a time of tranquility, I'm sad that I won't get to interact with my friends. I swear, I do actually have some.

To everyone, we wish you all a happy, healthy holiday season and the hope that the goodwill can last well into 2006.

TM - Karma

Dec. 21st, 2005 09:57 pm
kyle_valenti: (side)
At it's most basic level, the law of karma is very easy to understand. It's this simple understanding of it that means the most to me even with what I've studied. Bad acts aren't what it's all about, nor are good acts. It's the intent behind those acts.

If you act with the intention of hurting someone or something, that doesn't carry the same weight as accidently hurting them. Just as performing a good deed because of what it can get you doesn't carry the same weight as doing a good deed out of love or caring for someone else. It's what's in your heart at the time that counts.

It's so simple and so beautiful and that's why it's been worth all the ribbing and the teasing. Act with love, receive love in return. Act with ill will, receive ill will in return. This means that it all boils down to one thing: Be kind and loving and your reward will come to you. It doesn't happen overnight. It might not even happen in this lifetime, but while you're waiting for it to come to you, think of how good it feels to know that you haven't caused anyone harm or stress or anything that could hurt them.

I know a lot of people will think that I'm a sap for basically saying, "Be nice!" but I don't mind. I still love them.

Muse: Kyle Valenti
Fandom: Roswell
Word Count: 234
kyle_valenti: (sideburn)
When we all found out that Tess was the one responsible for Alex’s murder, I was so caught up in my part in her scheme that I couldn’t think of anything at all to say to anyone. I’d carried Alex’s body to the car and tossed it inside as if it were luggage. That’s what she had made me do. No one ever knew how guilty I felt about that. It’s as if I killed him myself. I should have been strong enough to resist her mindwarp. I could have prevented it if I hadn’t been so weak.

I think Dad ended up telling Mr. Whitman the final determination was that Alex had died in an accident. After he found out that Tess was the one responsible for what happened, he couldn’t in good conscience tell Mr. Whitman that his son killed himself. After it was all said and done, I wanted to go see Mr. Whitman and tell him what exactly happened to his son. I thought he had the right to know that someone that I’d accepted as part of my family was the one who’d killed his son. I wanted to tell him that Dad and I had been just as fooled as everyone else, and if anyone deserved to end up being her victim, it was me. It should never have been Alex. He got picked because he was the smart one and I was just the dumb jock. I still am.

I think about Alex everyday. I think about how it felt to see him die in front of me and to lift his lifeless body and put him in his car. Realistically, I know that it would have put too many people in danger and caused too many questions if I’d said anything. All it would have done was relieve some of my burden and that wasn’t nearly important enough to risk everyone else’s safety. But the question did ask me what I most regretted not saying. I regret never telling Mr. Whitman the truth.

TM Happy

Dec. 11th, 2005 12:55 am
kyle_valenti: (arms crossed)
Since it’s the holiday season, I think this is a really meaningful topic. The past year has stripped so many people of so much – everything in a lot of cases – so as I make the following list, I’m humbled by the fact that I have so much to be happy about.

I’ll keep those who have suffered so much this year in my thoughts and hope that the coming year can bring them some joy.


Here’s what I’m happy about right now:

I have my health.

I have a fantastic place to live thanks to Michael.

I have friends.

I have inner peace.

My dad’s doing just fine.

I’m safe.

And in no particular order, the following things make me happy:

Meeting people
That Jack in the Box commercial with the holiday balls
Candles
Shakira
My iPod
Noah’s giggle
Making money so I can donate to good causes
The chance to see a new year
kyle_valenti: (Default)
My handwriting's not really this messy. Stupid mouse.

Read more... )

Song meme

Dec. 7th, 2005 10:48 pm
kyle_valenti: (ani)
Seven songs I'm into at the moment, etc.

1. Change the World - Eric Clapton
2. Run - Collective Soul
3. Mad World - Gary Jules
4. They - Jem
5. The Bad Touch - Bloodhound Gang
6. Suffering - Jay Jay Johnson
7. Watching the Wheels - John Lennon

I think everyone's done this so there's no one to tag.
kyle_valenti: (Default)
Title: What I Know
Fandom: Roswell
Character: Kyle Valenti
Prompt: No. 84 "he"
Word Count: 100
Rating: G
Author's Notes: For Cassie. Takes place after the gang leaves in that little blue van.

100 words )
kyle_valenti: (Default)
[Locked from any government agencies interested in their whereabouts. Hell, locked from ALL government agencies. Even the DMV.]

Open the envelope )
Page generated Aug. 3rd, 2025 04:34 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios