Kyle Valenti (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kyle_valenti) wrote2006-01-30 02:23 pm
kyle_valenti) wrote2006-01-30 02:23 pm
TM - Alone
If I was a smartass, I could say that I know I'm not alone whenever I see or hear another person in the room with me. But I'm not a smartass. For the most part.
Since all life is connected, I shouldn't ever feel alone. Yes, there are times I enjoy my solitude and I choose to separate myself from others. It's fine to feel alone in those instances. But I imagine that this question is asking something entirely different.
[locked]
I hate to say it, but I've never felt as if I wasn't alone. It's not just because my mom left me. I've always felt that way. I've always felt as if I have to be the only one I can count on. I have friends and family but I'm still alone. I lived in a van with five other people and still felt alone. Finding the ones I cared about the most hasn't done anything to change that. Honestly, there are days when I consider taking off because I know that no one will even know I'm gone. Iz did it. She seemed to have a good time. Why shouldn't I? The spirituality can only go so far before I can't ignore it anymore and wonder why I'm searching in the wrong place for something that comes so easily for everyone else. I shouldn't even be searching, but I do. Truth be told, I thought things would be different. Buddha Boy's had it.
[/locked]
So, to answer it in the way it was intended, I can't really say because I've never known I'm not alone. I keep waiting for that to change but at this point I have to accept the fact that it probably never will.
Since all life is connected, I shouldn't ever feel alone. Yes, there are times I enjoy my solitude and I choose to separate myself from others. It's fine to feel alone in those instances. But I imagine that this question is asking something entirely different.
[locked]
I hate to say it, but I've never felt as if I wasn't alone. It's not just because my mom left me. I've always felt that way. I've always felt as if I have to be the only one I can count on. I have friends and family but I'm still alone. I lived in a van with five other people and still felt alone. Finding the ones I cared about the most hasn't done anything to change that. Honestly, there are days when I consider taking off because I know that no one will even know I'm gone. Iz did it. She seemed to have a good time. Why shouldn't I? The spirituality can only go so far before I can't ignore it anymore and wonder why I'm searching in the wrong place for something that comes so easily for everyone else. I shouldn't even be searching, but I do. Truth be told, I thought things would be different. Buddha Boy's had it.
[/locked]
So, to answer it in the way it was intended, I can't really say because I've never known I'm not alone. I keep waiting for that to change but at this point I have to accept the fact that it probably never will.