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Feb. 10th, 2006
Random Kyle thoughts
Feb. 10th, 2006 10:37 amWhy can't things go back to being the way they used to? I remember being happy with my binky.
If I created a duck/fox/chicken creature and taught it to lay bricks, could I call it a mason dixon?
Can a human being die of loneliness? If so, can I have his apartment when he does?
Why is that old guy considered more of a friend than I am? He's not even that hot. But he carries a gun. Big woop. Bottom line? Feds equal trouble.
What's wrong with getting a head start on one's next life by ending this one early? Early bird catches the worm and all that.
If absence makes the heart grow fonder, does presence make the heart grow colder?
Why isn't beer considered a power drink?
How many brush offs does it take before someone gets the picture (picture, painting, brush...get it)?
Why do I make lame jokes that only make sense to me?
And then why am I surprised that no one wants to include me?
If I spontaneously combusted in someone's face, could they light a cigarette off me?
If being lame and stupid were a disease and I lost a leg to it, would I then be lame squared?
How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? None. No one can change the bulb. It must want to change itself.
Why do I think that's funny?
If I could be invisible, would anyone notice or just think I was being quieter than usual?
If I got married, had a kid, died, came back as my own grandchild and then remarried my wife, would that make me my own grandfather?
If pennies were taken out of circulation, would vendors be forced to end prices with .95 instead of .99?
Why is that other old guy considered a better friend than I am? He's not even that hot. But he carries a gun. Big woop. Bottom line? Private dicks equal trouble.
Why am I so short?
No, seriously, why? Did I lose a bet or something?
Is heading to Vegas and getting married to a showgirl a bad idea? Even if she's really stacked?
Is it wrong to have impure thoughts about Keelia? And Isabel? Together?
Am I even gay? Bi? Buy? Bye?
So..if I were a pimp trying to pawn off a whore who swings both ways but I'm bidding the potential john farewell, I'd say, "Bye, buy bi."
Now I understand why I'm single.
If I created a duck/fox/chicken creature and taught it to lay bricks, could I call it a mason dixon?
Can a human being die of loneliness? If so, can I have his apartment when he does?
Why is that old guy considered more of a friend than I am? He's not even that hot. But he carries a gun. Big woop. Bottom line? Feds equal trouble.
What's wrong with getting a head start on one's next life by ending this one early? Early bird catches the worm and all that.
If absence makes the heart grow fonder, does presence make the heart grow colder?
Why isn't beer considered a power drink?
How many brush offs does it take before someone gets the picture (picture, painting, brush...get it)?
Why do I make lame jokes that only make sense to me?
And then why am I surprised that no one wants to include me?
If I spontaneously combusted in someone's face, could they light a cigarette off me?
If being lame and stupid were a disease and I lost a leg to it, would I then be lame squared?
How many buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? None. No one can change the bulb. It must want to change itself.
Why do I think that's funny?
If I could be invisible, would anyone notice or just think I was being quieter than usual?
If I got married, had a kid, died, came back as my own grandchild and then remarried my wife, would that make me my own grandfather?
If pennies were taken out of circulation, would vendors be forced to end prices with .95 instead of .99?
Why is that other old guy considered a better friend than I am? He's not even that hot. But he carries a gun. Big woop. Bottom line? Private dicks equal trouble.
Why am I so short?
No, seriously, why? Did I lose a bet or something?
Is heading to Vegas and getting married to a showgirl a bad idea? Even if she's really stacked?
Is it wrong to have impure thoughts about Keelia? And Isabel? Together?
Am I even gay? Bi? Buy? Bye?
So..if I were a pimp trying to pawn off a whore who swings both ways but I'm bidding the potential john farewell, I'd say, "Bye, buy bi."
Now I understand why I'm single.
Self meme on a bus
Feb. 10th, 2006 11:32 am
Kyle takes out a notepad and reads the questions he printed out. Bus trips are boring, he can't get into his email account, so he's forced to resort to doing this for entertainment.
1. Your Name: Kyle Valenti
2. Are we friends? I've known me my whole life, but I wouldn't say we're friends.
3. Do you have a crush/attracted to me? Does masturbation count as attraction?
4. Would you kiss me? And risk straining my lips? Um, no.
5. ...with tongue? Now I'm getting ridiculous.
6. Would you enjoy it? I'd rather be kissing someone else, truth be told.
7. Would you ever ask me out or go out with me if I ask you out? I always go out with me. I don't even have to ask.
8. Would you make a move on me in a movie theater? Depends on what's playing.
9. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you: I'm my own best friend by default. Though that's not interesting. I only like the cream in oreos.
10. Would you take care of me when I'm sick? I always do.
11. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before? Kyle, I think I smell. And I dress funny.
12. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me? Not if I started the rumor myself.
13. Do you think I'm a good person? Good is a relative term. I don't hurt others, so I'm good that way. But I leave no impression so I'm no good that way. As a person, I think I'm taupe.
14. Would you let me sleep with you (in the same bed)? I wouldn't dream of saying no.
15. Do you think I'm hot? No. Big no. No to the nth power.
16. Would you call me just because? No. I'd call me Kyle. Sheesh.
17. Would you ever listen to my problems even if they don't involve you? Considering my problems are very rarely about me, I'd say yes.
18. If you could change anything about me, would you? The shirt. I did mention I smell and dress funny, right?
19. Would you have sex with me? See number three, substitute "sex" for "attraction."
20. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out? I'd actually like to do anything BUT hang out with me.
21. What do you like most about me (looks and/or personality)? Are those the only choices? If so, I'd say lo...per...lo... Let's say those aren't the only choices. What I like most about me is that I know when I'm not needed anymore. I'm like the Lone Ranger or Kung Fu that way. I head out of town when my work is done.
22. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? I've already filled it out for me so no need!
1. Your Name: Kyle Valenti
2. Are we friends? I've known me my whole life, but I wouldn't say we're friends.
3. Do you have a crush/attracted to me? Does masturbation count as attraction?
4. Would you kiss me? And risk straining my lips? Um, no.
5. ...with tongue? Now I'm getting ridiculous.
6. Would you enjoy it? I'd rather be kissing someone else, truth be told.
7. Would you ever ask me out or go out with me if I ask you out? I always go out with me. I don't even have to ask.
8. Would you make a move on me in a movie theater? Depends on what's playing.
9. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you: I'm my own best friend by default. Though that's not interesting. I only like the cream in oreos.
10. Would you take care of me when I'm sick? I always do.
11. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before? Kyle, I think I smell. And I dress funny.
12. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me? Not if I started the rumor myself.
13. Do you think I'm a good person? Good is a relative term. I don't hurt others, so I'm good that way. But I leave no impression so I'm no good that way. As a person, I think I'm taupe.
14. Would you let me sleep with you (in the same bed)? I wouldn't dream of saying no.
15. Do you think I'm hot? No. Big no. No to the nth power.
16. Would you call me just because? No. I'd call me Kyle. Sheesh.
17. Would you ever listen to my problems even if they don't involve you? Considering my problems are very rarely about me, I'd say yes.
18. If you could change anything about me, would you? The shirt. I did mention I smell and dress funny, right?
19. Would you have sex with me? See number three, substitute "sex" for "attraction."
20. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out? I'd actually like to do anything BUT hang out with me.
21. What do you like most about me (looks and/or personality)? Are those the only choices? If so, I'd say lo...per...lo... Let's say those aren't the only choices. What I like most about me is that I know when I'm not needed anymore. I'm like the Lone Ranger or Kung Fu that way. I head out of town when my work is done.
22. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you? I've already filled it out for me so no need!
